The 10 Magical Rusev Day Traditions

There are a lot of people living lies these days. There are people that merely galavant from one day to the next without a care in the world. There are people, who despite reaping the rewards from others' greatness, fail to give back.

To be honest, I'm one of these people most of the time. Back in 2011 for example, most of us in England enjoyed a bank holiday merely because Prince William and Catherine Middleton got married. I took that day off work with aplomb and used it wisely. I sat down in front of the television and watched a box set of the Royle Family with a crate of Foster's adjacent to my right hand. It's the way the day was intended to be celebrated.

However, my shortcomings of 29 April 2011 turned into a positive. On April 30, I promised myself that when a worthy contender for a bank/national holiday came around I would celebrate it, in the words of Savage Garden, to the moon and back.

Rusev Day is

that

day.

Undoubtedly, there are plenty of ignorant people reading this article that don't even know of the traditions that come with celebrating the day of my bae and my spirit animal. Allow me to enlighten you. And don't worry if you haven't been honouring these traditions so far. As the great man himself said on SmackDown: "There'll be many more Rusev days to come."

10. Throw A Cold Fish Called Lana As Far As You Can

This is a wonderful part of Rusev Day that all the family can enjoy. All you need to do is head down to your local supermarket, ask the person behind the fish counter to gut, and then cut the head off a big silver fish - that's right, just ask for 'the big silver one' and they'll know what you mean. Then, with your gutted, headless, big and silver fish, head for an area free of any heavy traffic or pensioners and throw it. Please, make sure you throw it with the type of anger that only surfaces when somebody you don't like anymore took the face of the person you like at the moment and rubbed it in some raw fish on national television. We've all been there, I know...

Oh, sorry, before you get to the good part you must hire a Baptist to take your gutted, headless, big and silver fish and christen it Lana. It's what Rusev would want as he showed on the 27 July 2015 episode of Raw.

A fish a day keeps Rusev your bae...

9. Tune Into MTV Classic At 6:04AM

Time waits for no man, and neither does Rusev. If you tune into MTV Classic at around 6:10am, the Rusev boat has already set sail and has left your sorry arse behind. However, if you're on time, you're in for a good time, because it's Rusev time.

It's a little-known fact but at 6:04am every day, MTV Classic plays a song called 'The Whole F'n Show' by a band called Kushinator because every day is Rusev Day and they're massive fans of the man. In an even smaller-known fact, Rusev is actually a pop star. That's right, RuRu saying his own name immediately followed by "NUMBER ONE" had a completely different meaning back in the day.

You might remember 'The Whole F'n Show' by a band called Kushinator being Rob Van Dam's TNA theme. It was

great

, wasn't it? Rusev appeared in the music video for it though, so it's better than you remember it because it was touched by our brute and saviour. Look up there, he's on the left if you couldn't tell.

You should find the video online somewhere. It starts with the band getting blazed on some high grade in the most BADASS manner imaginable. I can only dream of being

that

cool one day...

8. Row

That's row as in 'row your boat', not row as in 'look there's a row of Rusevs', or row as in 'let's have a row over who is better: Rusev or oxygen'. Just get in your boats for crying out loud!

As you should know by now, Mama Rusev is much stronger than all of the American women and to prove this she went and became a two-time World Champion at rowing. Because Rusev is such a loving family man with stronger family values than all of the American family values, he insists you celebrate Rusev Day by going for a row. It doesn't matter how, but pay your respects to the legacy of Mama Rusev by taking your boat on the lake, hopping on your rowing machine, or better still, have a nice little 'air-row'. He doesn't care, just as long as you row.

7. Pray For Babushka

Before the television is turned on to watch 'The Whole F'n Show' by a band called Kushinator on MTV Classic, every Rusev Day starts by having a moment of silent reflection for the life and times of Grandma Rusev, otherwise known as Babushka.

Babushka - a word that according to Google at least means 'an old woman' as well as Grandmother in Russian - sadly passed away on 15 November 2016 so it's only right that we start off our Rusev Day by remembering the matriarch of the Rusevs.

RIP Grandmachka.

6. Take The Day Off School Or Work - Even If You Work Weekends

This is arguably the most overlooked of all the Rusev Day traditions, but it's true. After all, you'd only be stopping Rusev himself or other Rusevs around the world from living their lives and reaching their potential. You've already reached your potential by celebrating Rusev Day if you were wondering.

Rusev explained on an episode of Raw a while ago that in Bulgaria every day is a rumble. One of the things he mentioned to prove just how hard daily life is in his native land is the fact that he would have to throw other kids off the school bus just so he could go to school. There is to be very little walking on Rusev Day. Always get on public transport when you can, even at the expense of others.

If nobody is on the school bus, Rusev and his family can grab and seat and go learn many things. The moral of this story is stay off school, kids. And since we don't go to school when we're adults, stay home from work, adults; just tell the boss it's Rusev Day and they'll understand. That logic works. Yes.

5. Have Your Pre-Rusev Day Dinner Followed By Your Rusev Day Dinner

You don't get to be as big as Rusev without eating as much as a shed full of cows. Therefore, we always have two big meals on Rusev Day prepared by Brother Rusev, who happens to be the best chef

and

run the best restaurant in all of Bulgaria. If you're outside of Bulgaria and can't get down to Brother Rusev's restaurant, which is the best in all of Bulgaria didn't you know, he has an Amazon store. Honest.

As you can see, Brother Rusev is busy preparing the pre-Rusev Day dinner which mainly consists of pizza - or is that just another light shade? Goodness knows... This is followed by the main event of the day, a hearty meal including Bulgarian Feta Cheese and something that closely represents Kalisto's heart.

4. Have A 357 Second Nap

Look, up there! Lana and Rusev are ecstatic at the sight of John Cena enjoying his Rusev Day nap! Just look at how much fun John is having, that could be you too!

Obviously, having two meals one after the other is going to have you fuller than Roman Reigns' nappy after another defeat to Rusev amirite?!?! Therefore, to combat the fatigue, we have a nap that lasts 357 seconds exactly. That's five minutes and fifty-five seconds, 0.0991 hours, 0.0041 days, 0.0001 months; and an

even

smaller number of years.

Your nap must last this long because RuRu went 357 days without losing after his main roster debut in WWE - one hell of an achievement I'm sure you will agree. My bae and yours made his WWE bow at the 2014 Royal Rumble where it took no less than four fully grown men - Kofi Kingston, CM Punk, Cody Rhodes and Seth Rollins - to eliminate him. He wouldn't appear on WWE television again until April 7 (where we start our streak from) and didn't lose a match decisively until

that

defeat to John Cena at WrestleMania 31. Sickner.

3. The Traditional Rusev Day Greeting

That's right, grab your fellow Rusev Day celebrator and forcibly have them kiss you on each cheek after fooling them into thinking you were going to give them a peck on the lips.

Worried they will react badly to the utter

melt

you've just made them look? Don't be. It's all about the smile at the end. How could anyone get mad at that smile? Rusev has the best smile.

2. Rusev's Speech

At 3pm on every single Rusev Day gather your family around the television and watch Rusev give his customary Rusev Day speech - which isn't so much of a speech, more just you sitting down to watch him RIDE INTO WRESTLEMANIA ON A FREAKING TANK IN THE BEST MANIA ENTRANCE OF ALL TIME EAT YOUR CHUFFING HEART OUT SHAWN MICHAELS!!!

So yes, sit down and watch this artistry at 3pm every day otherwise the elders in your family will frown at you like you dared not to laugh at Mrs Brown's Boys.

1. Cancel Christmas

I leave you with this sobering thought: Rusev was born on December 25, the day some of you may recognise as Christmas Day. Christmas Day - as it wouldn't have been known no matter when RuRu's birthday is but since he's born then it's doubly so - is Rusev Day. Rusev is the Baby Jesus.

Goodbye everyone and happy Rusev Day xoxo

10. The Teacher's Pets

For about a year from Judgment Day 2006 onward, Paul London and Brian Kendrick defended their WWE Tag Team titles on each and every SmackDown pay-per-view, although at times it seemed like creative had to scrape some duos together for the highest of hooligans to square off with. No Mercy that year gave us a pretty good match, albeit a forgettable one, that pitted London and Kendrick against two OVW standouts that ended up not being long for the main roster.

They were KC James and Idol Stevens, sometimes referred to as The Teacher's Pets. That's because their manager was former science teacher Michelle McCool, whose arena attire definitely played on the "Hot for Teacher" stereotype. James looked like the lovechild of Bobby Eaton, while Stevens looked like a clean shaven Damien Sandow - which is because he *was* a clean-shaven Damien Sandow, years before discovering the comfort that a plush bathrobe can provide. The month following No Mercy, James and Stevens faded from the SmackDown roster, and James retired two years later.

9. Johnny Stamboli (left)

One of the few real bright spots in the barren wasteland that was 2000 WCW was the high-risk exuberance of "Johnny the Bull". Built like the heavyweight roughneck he portrayed, Stamboli also demonstrated grace in brutality, throwing caution to the wind in various hardcore-based matches (see: slingshot plancha leg drop, ladder, and subsequent broken ass). Upon arriving on WWE's main roster in the summer of 2002, Stamboli was 25 years old, and with plenty to offer.

Stamboli figured into the dying days of the Hardcore title scene (particularly in taking an incredible Clothesline from Hell from Bradshaw, who charged in from off-camera), but after that, he was little more than a peripheral figure. His time with the three-man Full Blooded Italians pretty much pitted him as third banana behind Nunzio and Chuck Palumbo, and Stamboli found himself tucked deep in the undercard prior to his November 2004 release. A shame, because somebody with his physical gifts had much more to offer than being a background player.

8. Ryan Sakoda (left)

Like Stamboli, Sakoda found himself in the third slot on a depth chart of three, and fell considerably behind the stardom enjoyed by his two cohorts. After working the odd Sunday Night Heat match in 2003 as an underneath guy, Sakoda signed a developmental deal with the company, but found a TV role shortly after. At No Mercy in October 2003, Sakoda joined Jimmy Yang (who was redubbed Akio) in helping Cruiserweight champion Tajiri defeat Rey Mysterio.

Sakoda and Akio played mysterious suit-wearing henchmen for Tajiri, interfering on his behalf whenever possible, and occasionally wrestling as well. When the group disbanded, Sakoda went adrift, though he did get to wrestle John Cena on an episode of SmackDown in May 2004. He left the company that August, his final match coming the prior month in a losing effort to Funaki on Velocity. To date, Sakoda's last match overall took place in September 2007, losing to a man that so happens to be number one on this list.

7. Johnny Parisi

Hit up the wayback machine and go back to 2005, when WWE pilfered a fairly talented wrestler from the ranks of Total Nonstop Action. He was a former Tag Team champion with the company, and even resided in the upper midcard of ECW during the final six to eight months of its lifetime. Said wrestler comes to WWE, takes on the Parisi name as a tribute to his uncle, former WWWF Tag Team champion Tony Parisi and...well, yeah, it's kind of forgotten to history, isn't it?

Johnny Parisi was better known as Johnny Swinger, longtime ally of Simon Diamond that carved out a pretty good niche for himself as a villainous tag team wrestler. He debuted as Parisi on Sunday Night Heat in July 2005 and lost almost every match he had on the secondary show, never once wrestling on Monday Night Raw. Swinger ended up getting his release in June 2006 following the long period of kayfabe futility, and has spent the 14 years since wrestling primarily in Georgia and Alabama, before returning to IMPACT Wrestling.

6. Bam Neely

Perhaps one day we here at Cultaholic will do a feature on every single beefy heavyweight that was called up from developmental to be someone's bodyguard or enforcer, but for now, we'll focus on this particular example. Standing 6'5" and weighing about 280 pounds, OVW talent Justin "The Ox" LaRouche spent about 16 months in developmental before migrating to the ECW brand in April 2008, where Chavo Guerrero enlisted his menacing muscle.

LaRouche was renamed Bam Neely, a not-so-subtle play on the name Cam Neely, who was a tough-as-nails NHL veteran that played also played a malevolent trucker named "Sea Bass" in Dumb and Dumber. So either somebody on WWE creative thought LaRouche looked like a mean-spirited long-hauler, or they were just a fan of the Boston Bruins. Either way, Neely received plenty of airtime through his partnership with Guerrero, as well as his extended connection to Edge's La Familia stable, but he was mostly just a looming figure and little more. In January 2009, nine months after his main roster debut, Neely was released from WWE, and retired from wrestling the following year.

5. Gunner Scott

Some of the names on this list never enjoyed any real success on the main roster, banging their head on a rather low ceiling before being shuffled out the door. Such wasn't the case for Scott, who hit the ground running on SmackDown in the spring of 2006. And yet, despite that early success, he still made his exit rather hastily, despite showing incredible promise. It's one of the more bizarre career arcs of any main roster talent.

Scott, better known as future NWA World champion Brent Albright, debuted as an enhancement talent who scored an upset win over Booker T. This earned him the respect of Chris Benoit, who took Scott under his wing for a brief spell. However, within three months, Scott was sent back to developmental, and released later that year. As Albright, the gifted technician ended up in Ring of Honor not long after, and bounced around various indies before retiring from the ring in December 2011. From a quick push out of the gate to being swept off the stage in under three months - such was the WWE run of Gunner Scott.

4. Krissy Vaine

In early-2006, Krissy Vaine debuted in then-WWE developmental group Deep South Wrestling, where she eventually performed as the group's evil general manager. She was involved in angles with Natalya, Matt Striker, and Angel Williams (the eventual Angelina Love) before receiving her call-up to the main roster of WWE in September 2007. And even the most devoted watcher of SmackDown may have trouble remembering Vaine, who was gone from the company quicker than a hiccup.

She debuted in rather notable fashion, attacking the popular Torrie Wilson one Friday night. The following week, she appeared once more on the show in a segment with Vickie Guerrero, which aired five nights before Vaine was released from the company. As it turns out, her and her boyfriend, developmental talent Ryan O'Reilly, asked for their releases, apparently due to health-related issues concerning both of their families. Her only two matches on the main roster came at house shows on consecutive nights, losing to Michelle McCool. Since then, Vaine has married O'Reilly, who you know better today as Konnor of The Ascension.

3. CW Anderson

When WWE launched its own version of ECW in 2006, it didn't take long for the flavour of "extreme" to wear off. Though the presence of Rob Van Dam, Tommy Dreamer, Sabu, and The Sandman reinforced a bit of classic ECW, they were among the few originals treated like top guys. The FBI, Balls Mahoney, Danny Doring and Roadkill, Stevie Richards, Justin Credible - their won/loss records on the brand made 2018 Curt Hawkins look like 2015 Roman Reigns.

For any ECW original outside of the core four, their time in the reboot was unmemorable, but not as unmemorable as CW Anderson. Part of the next generation of the kayfabe Anderson family, CW carried on the mantle of hard-nosed rasslin' from his forebears and feuded memorably with Dreamer in the original company (including in a brutal I Quit match at the final PPV).

Six years later, Anderson (who was renamed Christopher W. Anderson, so as to not confuse him with The CW Network, I guess) wrestled primarily on house shows over a three-month stretch in 2006, losing once on TV to upstart CM Punk, and then was released months later.

2. The Heart Throbs & The Dicks

That title sounds like the least-ambiguous romance novel of all time, but there's little to romanticize about the life span of two midcard duos. We start with The Heart Throbs, Antonio and Romeo, burst onto the Raw scene in April 2005, and brought with them a lively and suggestive entrance that prompted William Regal and Tajiri to make some boggled glances in their direction.

Months later on SmackDown, James and Chad Dick debuted over on SmackDown as Chippendales dancers called, what else, The Dicks. The two never really got out of the gate as anything outside of undercard chum for the pushed wrestlers to feast on, and by this time, The Heart Throbs had cooled off considerably as well. In February 2006, both teams were released from the company, at a time in which tag team wrestling in WWE was really downplayed (er, more than usual, anyway). At a point when there was about a 50/50 shot that a brand's Tag champs were just two thrown together singles stars, steady duos had less chance at success.

1. Frankie Kazarian

Christopher Daniels was occasionally a weekend enhancement talent for WWE at the turn of the century, while Scorpio Sky attended anger management sessions with Daniel Bryan and Kane. Of the three SCU members, Kazarian, overall, had the best WWE run, though really it wasn't much more than a footnote. In July 2005, five months after leaving TNA and signing with WWE, Kaz finally made his first televised appearance with the company.

In the span of one month, Kazarian (whose theme song began with what sounded like a sedated elephant singing over a xylophone, before shifting into some lively metal) went undefeated on WWE Velocity, toppling Nunzio, Scotty 2 Hotty, Funaki, and Paul London, before asking for his release. Reportedly, Kazarian wanted out after learning that WWE didn't have any real plans for its Cruiserweight division, while Kazarian revealed that he was upset at being asked by the company to cut off his Antonio Banderas-esque long hair. Kazarian later chalked up his annoyance with the latter issue to his own immaturity at the time, though it didn't seem to hinder his career too much. He's still going strong at age 42, long after his obscure cup of coffee with the E.